8 Talk It: Controlled Conversations and TALC Tracks

Long story, short. To be brief means to avoid endless monologues and to start having controlled conversations with a rhythm, a purpose, and a point.
Some people think that brevity means killing off conversations altogether. This is neither true nor my intention in writing this book.
In fact, just the opposite is true. Real brevity invites and encourages really good, meaningful, controlled conversations. By that, I mean two people talking willingly—and enjoying it—but not feeling the conversation has to last forever to be worthwhile.
A controlled conversation is a disciplined conversation. What you’re talking about matters to the person you’re talking to, and your active listening tells you what matters to that person. You have the other person’s interest and assent.
Controlled conversations make you feel free to stop at any time and not risk alienating anybody or feeling awkward. One example is talking to people on airplanes.

Risky Business Trip
When I travel, I frequently start conversations with people on flights and have terrific—and always brief—conversations with them that are both engaging and don’t last the entire trip. However, this is a nightmare scenario for many people, especially on longer flights where you are a captive audience, and especially if you are seated (trapped, in fact) in a window seat.
What’s my trick? Active listening. For a trip to Spain, here’s what it might sound like:
“So why are you going to Spain?” I start.
“Well, I am going to a medical conference,” he answers.
“Where is it?” I ask.
“It’s in Barcelona,” he responds.
At this point, I can take the conversation in many different directions by saying just a little and asking good questions that I think will lead to shorter answers—or, none at all.
I avoid three common mistakes that draw people into long, unwieldy conversations:

1. Passive listening: Let the other person ramble on about everything and say nothing (result: no control).
   2.Waiting my turn: Let the person talk and then jump in to say my part (result: two conversations).
   3.Impulsively reacting: Respond to a word or thought the person has said (result: no clear direction).
   What’s most important is to make the conversation about the other person by asking thoughtful and intentional questions centered on him or her. This allows you to stay in control; because you find out what’s important to him or her, you can converse confidently

Controlled Conversations Are a Game of Tennis, Not Golf
Talking isn’t like a round of golf, in which each player takes turns and waits for the next shot. Talking is more like tennis; it’s about active listening, asking good questions, and bantering back and forth. After a while, a balanced rhythm emerges.
Thus, brevity becomes possible when you have one conversation, not two, and you can control its direction, cadence, and flow. And you accomplish this by doing something incredibly rare: listening. When you aren’t talking as much, you’re making the conversation more about the other person.
After a short while, the person next to you starts enjoying the conversation because they’re doing a fair share of the talking, but not all of it. You ask questions based on interest, and you control the frequency of the questions and comments.
“So why did you go to the conference in Madrid?” I ask because I’m interested in knowing a little more.
“I am a brain surgeon,” he responds.
If I wanted the conversation to continue, I would ask a gateway question, such as, “Where did you go to medical school?”
If I want the conversation to end so I can catch a few winks on the flight or read my book, I politely say, “Oh, that’s interesting,” and stop asking questions. The pause lets me control the conversation.
TALC Tracks—A Structure for Balance and Brevity
TALC Tracks—talk, active listening, converse—are a tactic for organizing almost any exchange in a powerful way to keep it brief and memorable. The TALC approach is not a formula; it is an adjustable method that helps you track the ideas your conversation partner shares and project interesting paths for the conversation to follow. It doesn’t just call on the techniques of mapping or storytelling; it’s about having a balanced, controlled conversation. Let’s look at each part in detail.
• T, or talk: Somebody starts talking. Let that person say what he or she is going to say. Don’t worry if it lasts 1 minute or 5; just let the person talk.
Two keys for you to consider:
♦ Be prepared to say something when the other person finishes speaking.
♦ Make sure your response has a clear point.
• AL, or actively listen: Closely listen to what the other person is saying with interest the entire time. Don’t zone out or multitask or get distracted trying to think of a response. Listen for key words, names, dates, and even a basic narrative thread. It’s not easy listening, like letting smooth jazz wash over you without much thought or consideration; it’s active, because you’re involved in the next step of the conversation. Think about how and when you’ll chime in. This way, you’re ready to participate when your turn comes.
Two keys for you to consider:
♦ Ask open-ended questions that are connected to what you’ve heard.
♦ Tap into the parts of the topic you’re genuinely interested in.

• C, or converse: When a natural pause comes, jump in and comment, question, or even bridge to a different topic that’s related to what’s being said. Contribute to building one conversation.
Three keys for you to consider:
♦ Do not use your turn to start an irrelevant conversation.
♦ Keep your responses short.
♦ Know when to end so the other person can begin talking again.
Be Prepared for Anything So what does the concept of the controlled conversation and TALC Tracks mean to you?
It means that you’ll be prepared for conflict or agreement. You can keep a conversation on point and represent your agenda effectively while respecting what someone else has to say.

When I think about it, 80 percent of the conversations I have with my coworkers are just simple, enjoyable exchanges. But 20 percent of the time, we have a controlled conversation—one in which I am applying brevity and balance to mitigate some of the instinctual or emotional problems I have when I talk about important or stressful topics.
Active listening plays a big role in controlled conversation. It helps me gauge the other person’s mind-set and what matters to him or her. Do not forget to leave time for the other person to listen, too; he or she needs a chance to track and engage as much as you do.

Audience, Audience, Audience
The whole idea of being brief is about knowing what’s important to the people you’re talking with. Focusing on their priorities means that you respect them, what they say, how they listen, and their valuable time.
That doesn’t mean you don’t have an agenda or goals for your conversation. Rather, it’s simply more effective for your agenda to focus on them first. Controlled conversation isn’t about controlling the conversation as much as it is controlling yourself in the conversation. That is what will make you an effective communicator.

Pauses are a strong weapon for brevity
Paul Harvey was a masterful radio announcer who used a few devices to hold an audience’s attention during his radio showcase called The Rest of the Story. He held people’s attention not only by skillfully telling a story but also by knowing when to pause. Silence is a momentary magnet that draws an audience in with what isn’t said. Harvey concluded each segment “And…now…you know (pause) the rest of the story.”

For example, think about people who push and post tons of irrelevant or trivial content on social media. Not only is it annoying; it hurts their reputation as an objective source of information.
The opposite of that—and someone whose online content I admire—is business adviser Brad Farris, a BRIEF social media guy (https://twitter.com/blfarris). His posts, although occasional, always have high value. He knows his followers get hit with waves of content online every day, and he respects their time by sharing only what’s important.
Even if I had a slightly different agenda than him during a conversation, I would not mind spending time on his point of view, because he’s earned it. He gives me information that is disciplined, relevant, and respectful.
Brevity breeds better conversations—that point is clear.
Long story, short. To be brief means to avoid endless monologues and to start having controlled conversations with a rhythm, a purpose, and a point.