16 It’s Never Really Small Talk
Simplicity is the glory of expression. —Walt Whitman
Long story, short. Convey meaningful messages in informal, fluid settings by using as few words as possible
Brevity as a Conversational Life Raft

The adage “Loose lips sink ships” says it all. In a time of war, seemingly harmless banter that could expose secrets to the enemy is never welcome. And the same is true in your job.
Organizations are filled with small talk and chatter before meetings, in the hallway, arriving to work, getting ready to go home, or running out to lunch. And although they seem innocuous enough, these little conversations throughout the day can speak volumes—and sink careers.
You must manage your reputation closely, and how you make small talk is one component of this. As they say in media training, “It’s all on the record.”

For example, I remember waiting in the reception area of Harley Davidson’s corporate headquarters to visit my client early on a Monday morning. I saw a young man waiting to get signed in. He looked like a new employee on his first day on the job.
After a short time, one of the chefs walked down the hall from the cafeteria. He went up to the front desk and signed the young man in, saying, “I don’t know what date it is. I’m still stuck in Sunday.”
The new employee casually responded, “Yeah, I had one of those weekends, too.”
I wondered, “What is his new boss thinking about him and the kind of weekend he had?” That harmless comment could imply a host of different unflattering activities, such as drinking all weekend or letting his personal life get out of control.
It’s one thing to share personal anecdotes about your weekend to keep the mood light between a boss and a new employee. It’s another thing to engage in familiar conversation too soon.
Don’t let your conversation seem like business casual. If you’re thoughtless with your words, your new boss will think you’re thoughtless with everything else.
Momentary Misgivings Stall Momentum
Consider the case of Frank, an up-and-coming corporate star who had a bad day, said too much and stalled his career.
Frank had risen through the ranks of a top U.S. manufacturing company and was responsible for a business unit that did more than $500 million in annual revenues. He was consistently one of the organization’s top performers. In fact, he could predict within 1 percent the profitability of his business unit each year. His uncanny ability to forecast and deliver revenue and profit was his hallmark.

Clearly a strong manager and an emerging leader, Frank was aggressive and ambitious and the go-to guy for delivering results and making up the slack for any underperforming units. Without a doubt, he was the guy that the organization had its eye on for bigger things.
However, it all unraveled on one fateful business trip when he and his boss were going through some intense negotiations—a stress-filled environment with high expectations for a seemingly impossible goal. Frank had known his boss for a long time. In fact, he had his current job because of him. Yet, in a span of about 5 minutes, Frank let his guard down and openly complained about the personal and professional misgivings he felt facing the daunting challenge.
His boss read his complaints as a sign of weakness and a lack of commitment. In an instant, he wondered, “Is Frank all in? Can I count on him now, or for the next big challenge?” His confidence was undermined.
A few days later, Frank realized what he’d done. His relationship with his boss changed radically over a matter of weeks. Within a few months, he was signing a separation agreement.
Frank casually talked himself out of the corner office.
You can say it’s unfair, especially given all of the amazing results Frank had delivered. But people have very short memories and are quick to judge.
What you say matters. If it comes out of your mouth, it speaks volumes about what you can handle, and why you’re the right (or wrong) fit.

Just because you think it, doesn’t mean you have to say it
Little kids and some older people have something in common: no filter. For these individuals, thinking something and saying it are synonymous. A lot of things come to mind in the midst of a conversation, but we don’t need to share all of them. Think about it: How many problems or potholes could you avoid if you held your tongue more often?
When you feel bad, are having a rough day, or are frustrated, don’t speak in negative headlines. Instead, say nothing. You risk delivering a dreary message that frames the situation in a poor light, and reflects badly on you and your abilities.
Here are a few things to ask yourself when you’re having a tough time:
Do I pause and consider what I’m about to say before I share bad news?
Do I have a heightened awareness of the impression I give people?
Am I conscious that a negative headline I serve up can be easily misconstrued?
Do I remember that everything, including casual conversation, is on the record?
Walk the Walk; Talk the Talk
There’s small talk like the chatter exchanged around the water cooler. And then there’s small talk like the condensed briefings that fuel senators and House members as they race to and from committees, votes, and conferences.
In Washington, D.C., politics get done while walking and talking—fast. Katie knew this; she was a leadership staffer for four years and was responsible for coordinating the schedules of 55 senators.
For her, small talk meant distilling mountains of information into a few minutes. With members darting all around Congress and the country, senior staffers like to have their agendas whittled down into 5-minute increments. They’re responsible for briefing their senator, or member, between meetings—sometimes with only a few minutes to download everything the senator needs for the next big vote or committee meeting.
“A staffer or multiple staffers are designated to ‘pass’ the member from meetings and events,” Katie said. “The member’s schedule is fluid, with floor votes constantly interrupting all the planned meetings and events. It’s constantly changing.”
To adequately brief the members in the middle of their hectic day, Katie said staffers start with a short e-mail. For the pickup, the staffer would take only a one-pager to hand the member, along with an oral briefing.
“The walk-and-talk part is often the first and only opportunity to brief them en route to the meeting. You have to take advantage of the transit time to and from floor votes in the capitol,” she said. “You definitely have to be ready to go at a moment’s notice.”
Talk about stressful. Staffers need to keep their cool, or else. If they get nervous and start to ramble or get lost in their briefing, their member could walk into the next vote unprepared, embarrassed, and angry.
As Katie explains, it takes confidence in your preparation and knowledge to be concise. “You have to be brief. You’re done in about 5 to 10 minutes,” she said. “You go in the elevator from the Senate Office Building and take the capitol subway system or walk on the path along the subway system.”
And time isn’t the only constraint. Staffers must deliver precise briefings under intense scrutiny, sometimes in front of other senators and members within the caucus.
“I found it very hard to get used to the fact that you have to go in and brief them anywhere. I had to walk right up to my boss while he was sitting at the head of this big, square table during a caucus meeting. I had to whisper the briefing to him in the middle of 40-some senators,” she said. “I felt really uncomfortable.”
But Katie knew how crucial it was to not allow discomfort to derail any updates. Your audience, be it a senator or your manager, is counting on you to be a steady, reliable, and quick source of valuable information.

You konw you’ve said to much when all you hear is you voice

I asked participants in a workshop to do an active listening exercise that required a short conversation with someone. The next day, a student reported calling his wife on his mobile phone and getting disconnected. When he called her back, he knew exactly what she was saying when they got cut off because he was actively listening. How often do you not notice when a conversation has been cut off—and just keep on talking?

Katie explains how staffers must also tailor their briefings to each senator’s expertise.

“You don’t have to get into the weeds as much with them,” she said. “They’re experts. They just don’t have any time. They have symptoms of ADD [attention-deficit disorder], because that’s sort of the way they work down there.”
Katie knows that if you feed your audience points that seem obvious to them, you’re wasting their time. Save your breath and get to the newest, most important information in fluid, high-stress situations.
She also emphasizes the significance of listening to determine what your audience already knows or doesn’t know: “You have to get a sense of what they want and what they need, as well as what they can process. They have a lot going through their minds, so you’re just trying not to overload them,” she said.
“They’re so harried and stressed, you’re literally just reminding them about the big things—who, what, when, where, and why.”
Katie’s team also had talking-points cards called palm cards. All the Republican senators got one card, which has a general message and three talking points underneath. The members were able to simply slip the week’s messaging goals in their lapel pocket.
“You have to convey one major point,” she said. “It’s just a matter of understanding the best, most persuasive point to use—internally or externally.”
You can do the same favor for your audience by cutting down your message until it can theoretically fit in the palm of their hand. As Katie explains, “It’s about clarity. You might be very interested in what you’re doing and prepare for it extensively. But you have to be able to step back and separate yourself—and not be so enthralled with what you’re doing. You have to think of the other person, and not be too concerned about how brilliant you sound.”

Long story, short. Convey meaningful messages in informal, fluid settings by using as few words as possible.
• It’s easy to lose your cool in fluid or casual situations, like between meetings or in high-stress environments. Keep your wits about you.
• Become more self-aware in what you say during small talk by pausing and reevaluating what you are about to share. A good rule of thumb: if you wouldn’t want your boss to overhear you, then leave it unsaid.
• Gain the confidence to be brief through preparation and practice.